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Agree To Agree

Before you marry someone, your future spouse must have the same definition of marriage as you. It might seem obvious to you that everyone defines this word similarly, but that is not always the case. The failure to define words accurately can be the cause of many conflicts. To avoid this issue, make sure that you agree on a mutual definition of what marriage is. At the very least, you should agree on your own definitions even if you don’t agree with mine. Different people can have different concepts of marriage depending on their own personal experiences. For example, one person might think that their spouse is supposed to serve them for the rest of their lives, but another might think that both partners should serve each other equally. Some think the raising their voice is okay to do and others would never consider that to be healthy for the relationship.

Much our concept of marriage comes from what we experienced growing up with our parents. If you were fortunate to come from a home with a healthy marriage, then you will have had a positive experience and will try to emulate that experience. However, if you grew up in a home where your parents did not have a good marriage, then your reality of marriage is not positive, which can filter down into your own marriage as well. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a great marriage. You just need to be aware that children from dysfunctional or divorced marriages are dealing with more issues than if they came from a healthy marriage.

I have heard couples who are getting divorced say that their children are just fine after the divorce. But they are just fooling themselves, because no one is happy from having to go through a divorce, except the attorneys!


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